26May

Whiteout

Director: Dominic Sena
Writer: Jon Hoeber, Eric Hoeber, Chad Hayes, Carey Hayes (screenplay); Greg Rucka & Steve Lieber (graphic novel)
2009

Everything about Whiteout is bad, right down to Kate Beckinsale’s weave or wig or whatever that thing is on her head. Ugh. That’s how I feel when I remember this movie. If you don’t trust me and want to see this one, I won’t ruin the plot but I will say it’s ridiculous with ridiculously cliched characters. Big surprise  a woman in law enforcement has some horrible past and is haunted by some lame memory to the extent where she gets a stupid flashback every time she looks at her gun. Haven’t seen that before – and every time I do see it it’s as bad as the the idea of it. If it were a male character I highly doubt he would emotionally crumble over some stupid memory that’s not worthy crumbling over; in Hollywood films, only a woman does that. And that’s sad.

A serial killer on the loose in an isolated area? Yeah, not new. In this case it isn’t so much of a serial killer but some guy knocking off those who he’s supposed to share some crummy treasure with. It’s just a greedy guy who wants a piece of all the action – not a heinous, scary monster like thing living in the arctic.

Beckinsale’s character is probably one of the worst I’ve seen in a long time and sadly is your typical, helpless woman – way to send the woman’s movement back a hundred years Hollywood. What this movie needs is a little bit of someone who can kick ass, or what’s the preferred choice, it needs not to have been made in the first place. Since both options are implausible, and I have yet to master the scientific skills needed to create my own Flux Capacitor, the only  thing to do is not see the movie.

Ps. This movie seriously took four people to write? Really?

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